I’m so damn terrified about starting this body challenge thing next month. I’ve been reading up on the Zone Diet, which is the diet plan they prescribe to the members of the challenge, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it. As far back as I can remember, I was allowed sweets and sodas and whole goddamn hams whenever I wanted, at whatever frequency I wanted. I was a skinny little bastard for the first 16 years of my life, but now I’m a fatty and I need to be not that. I want ladies to love me, I want to feel good about myself, but I also want to eat fourteen birthday cakes after I finish a pizza. I’m excited to start working out routinely, but I’m afraid this diet thing might consume me.